Q: But what about Zach?
A: What about him? You know nothing about my previous relationship. You know nothing about what has gone on after that relationship ended. If you did, you wouldn't be asking that question.
Q: Don't you think it's a little soon?
A: I was worried about this, to be honest. Then I talked to one of my favorite people, my cousin Bonnie, and she said something very wise. "There is no time limit on happiness." And there is no time limit to moving on. Again, you know zilch about my previous relationship nor how long he and I had been having problems. We were over a long time before we actually pulled the plug. It doesn't matter if you think it's too soon, it matters if I and Jeremy think it's too soon. We don't. :)
Q: What does Zach think about it?
A: No, the real question is: Alison, do you care what Zach thinks about this?
Yes, if I'm going to be honest. I never wanted to hurt him. But I'm also not going to put my life and happiness on hold due to him. He's done some questionable things since we've been broken up and he hasn't exactly been honest. So, yes I care. But it isn't going to stop me from living my life the way I see fit.
Q: What does your mother think?
A: She thinks I'm 24 years old and can make my own choices, that's what she thinks! She loves me and wants me happy, that's all that she cares about. I'd tell her the same exact thing I'm telling you and she knows it: mind. your. business.
Q: Are you just afraid of being alone?
A: Absolutely not. There isn't actually very much that I am afraid of. I could be alone if I wanted to, but I don't want to and I don't have to be. Why force myself not to be with someone I genuinely care for when there isn't anything that's really standing in our way? I know who I am and Jeremy isn't the type who would want to change me. He likes my silly, candid, and abrasive self. He doesn't want me to be anyone but me. And he gets that people change and grow and we just want to see where this could go. There isn't anything wrong with that so please, don't try to make it so.
Q: Dating another younger guy, huh?
A: Yep. He's 2 and a half years younger than I am. Hey, I've done worse okay? I used to like them way too old for me. Pick your poison.
Q: Well, I'm Zach's friend too and I don't think this is right, so I don't think we should be friends anymore.
A: That just shows you and I were never friends in the first place. Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! Bye!
I'm going to be 100% honest with you, reader: I am scared to death. I'm scared what people are going to say, if people are going to give me a hard time about this, and I'm worried about how Zach will take it. Contrary to popular belief, I do care for Zach very very very much...I just don't want to marry him. We are not meant to be, at least not that I can see right this second. I never wanted to hurt him and I still don't, but if not hurting him means I have to put mine and Jeremy's happiness on hold, I'm not willing to do that. I can't live my life for someone else, that wouldn't be fair. I'm not going to ask Zach to make his decisions with my feelings in mind. He isn't my fiancee anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to be my friend someday. I truly don't want to hurt him, but sometimes that just cant be helped.
And yeah, I'm scared that I'll get hurt. I really hate the idea of another failed relationship under my belt. But if I let fear stop me from giving my heart another shot, I'll never get anywhere. You can't let the fear of pain and heartbreak stop you from letting yourself open up to the possibility of loving someone again. That isn't even living, really. I don't know if Jeremy will still want to be with me in six months and that's okay. He may wake up tomorrow and go, "Oh heck no, this girl is a hot mess," and be on his way. I cant promise I wont change my mind either. But it's a risk we're willing to take. I'm willing to gamble on him, on the possibility of an us.
Here is a question I promise no one will ask. No one will even consider asking it because most people on concentrate on the negative in a situation.
Q: What makes Jeremy Worsham so special?
The answer is simple: He's different, and his kind of different and my kind of different are the same kind of different. He gets why I cry when one of my favorite characters die. In some cases, he'll be crying right along with me. He doesn't try to grab my butt in public after I ask him not to, and he doesn't tell me I'd be lost without him. He knows I wouldn't be. He LIKES that I'm completely capable and that, if I'm mad, I could possibly beat him up. And oh, how he makes me laugh. He truly makes me smile, and I cant remember the last time I just smiled for no reason.
But most importantly, Jeremy inspires me. I haven't always made the best judgement calls and in the past I've had a hard time being in relationships. Sometimes I still throw up this wall and he can just see it on my face, I've completely shut him out. But that's when he just hugs me and tells me he'll wait me out until I'm okay. Jeremy wants me to be better then I ever have been. He makes me want to stop making the same stupid mistakes and just be happy instead of always fighting it. He makes me want to take down those stupid walls I've built to defend myself. He isn't someone I need or want to hide from. It's a nice feeling.
I'm happy. He's happy. So lets just see what happens, neh?
We're just starting this thing, we have no idea where (if anywhere) this is gonna go. The only thing I am asking for is your support. My having a relationship isn't going to affect your life. It isn't going to impede on your day to day and it truthfully has nothing to do with you. I have a huge problem with people getting mad at me over my choices when it has nothing to do with them. You don't have to like every choice I make. I doubt I like every choice you make. If your worried about me, thank you from the bottom of my heart, but put that worry where it belongs. Respect the fact that I've earned the right to be wrong every now and then, and if I am wrong about this, I'll own it later. But for right now, I have a boyfriend. I do. And no amount of meanness or anger on anyone else's part is going to change that. I'm pretty stubborn like that. Respect me and I'll respect you, that's always been my number 1 rule (besides after number 2, you always flush!) and I hope people will understand what I'm asking.
All the people that matter to us are excited for us. People think we're a great couple and see how happy we make each other. I think in time all the skeptical people will see that. And then there are the people who are going to talk badly about me, accuse me of cheating on Zach and all that other ridiculousness, and to you I say this: KICK ROCKS. I have better things to do with my time then to deal with false accusations and bull. I didn't cheat on Zach. Zach didn't cheat on me. We just ended. And all endings spark new beginnings.
This is the start of something new. And, of course, since it's my life, this should be very interesting.
Alison
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