Reflections

Lately I've been asking my friends what they think of soul-mates. Do they believe in them? Why or why not? The majority have said no, they don't think that there is any such thing has a "soul-mate" because there are too many people out in the world worth getting to know. Some people you connect with and they connect with you, and some don't. My views tend to land right in the middle, believing in soul-mates, but not in just one.

In 22 years, I've met a lot of people. I've fallen in and out of love a few times, one time that I didn't realize until it was already too late. I've made a lot of friends and acquaintances, and lost just as many. But with each meeting, and each ending, I have felt a piece of the puzzle that is me slide into place. There have been some people that I've met that have had no affect on me what-so-ever, and some who have been extremely negative. But there has been a few very special people who changed me, taught me, and made me feel a little bit more put together.

I don't think God puts us on the earth whole. I think that when we're born, little pieces of ourselves are scattered out into the world and throughout our lives, God leads us on a journey to find these pieces so that when we die, we can be a completed person. I've had moments when I've met someone, and I felt like I had to know them from somewhere, yet I knew I had never seen them before in my life. As I grew closer to these people and learned about them, it became clear that I had met them for a specific reason. Even if we weren't completely the same, part of them was a reflection of me and that's what I'd felt upon meeting. I had recognized a part of myself within that person and had been meant to find them. Part of myself had been hidden in them, and I'd like to think that they felt the same way about me. They had been a soul-mate.

 But just because someone is your soul-mate doesn't mean you're going to spend the rest of your life with them. I've felt that connection with many people, male and female alike, and I have watched many of those people walk away from me, or be taken. It reminds me of Dawson's Creek series finale, when Joey and Dawson agree that they are soul-mates, but Joey ends up with Pacey.Just because you're soul-mates doesn't mean you're going to end up with that person forever.

Sometimes it's a painful puzzle piece to find. I've had my heart good and broken twice in my life, and each time was excruciating because I had been positive that, because of this recognition of self, they were "the one" and yet it all fell apart. But over time I realized that I didn't feel as incomplete after them as I had before them. Just because that person doesn't stay in your life doesn't mean you lose that piece you found inside of them. People leave footprints on our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls, and sometimes those footprints are scars that never really fade. I've been hurt in horrible ways, but I also know I have hurt someone else just as badly. It takes time to move past the pain and see that yes, I was changed, but I was changed for the better. I found out a little more about myself, about people, and about love.

I'm not sure if God really puts one certain person in our lives that we're supposed to end up with, or if He puts several people out there and it's out job to find them and choose which one to be with. Last summer I made a choice between two people I knew I could have a future with, and that was the hardest part. I felt like I was looking at two different roads leading to two different lives and I was always afraid of making the wrong choice. I am happy with the decisions I made and couldn't ask for more than Zach, but I'm still not entirely sure that there ever was a right choice or a wrong choice. Maybe the pendulum could have swung either way, and whoever I chose determined how my life went. If there is a right or wrong choice, I feel like I made the right one and I wouldn't take it back if my life depended on it, but who knows?

I'm very thankful for the people that have helped me find myself upon my journey. Even though I've been hurt, I know that I've given as good as I've gotten, and I'm sorry about that. I am glad for the people who broke my heart and found happiness. I have too. And that little piece of myself that they gave back to me will always be special because it came from them. I think that people can fall out of love just like they can fall into it, or sometimes time just helps it fade a little, but what that person was to you never fully goes away. That piece of you is always going to stay with you once you've retrieved it, and it is going to connect you forever with that other person. It took me a long time and a lot of pain to see this, but I do now. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful for every tear and scar people have left me with. I'm so lucky and blessed to have loved and been loved by the people that I have met, and I'm okay with the fact that it didn't last. My pain was worth going through as long as they find someone to be happy with. As long as they find their pieces. It makes me feel good to think that maybe, just maybe, a piece of themselves came from me.

Alison

 

 

Good To You- Marianas Trench featuring Jessica Lee

Everyone's around, no words are coming out
And I can't find my breath, can we just say the rest with no sound?
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up
I'm not prepared; sorry is never there when you need it

And I do want you to know
I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you
I would

I thought I saw a sign somewhere between the lines
But maybe it's me, maybe I only see what I want
and I still have your letter, just got caught between
Someone I just invented, who I really am and who I've become

And I do want you to know
I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you

Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh, Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhh,
Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh-ohhh-ohhh-ohhhh,
Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh, Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhh,
Whoaaaaa-ohhhhh-ohhhhhh-ohhh-ohhh-ohhhh,
I would

And I do want you to know
I'll hold you up above everyone
And I do want you to know
I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you

I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you,
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be good to you
I'd be good to you, I'd be so good to you