I've never participated in NaNo, but I'm gonna give it a try this year. I am starting late, so I'll go into December to give myself the full 30 days. I read the blog of one of my favorite authors Amelia Atwater-Rhodes, and she participates just about every year. If it works for her, maybe it'll work for me. I'm gonna cheat though and use this as a chance to maybe actually finish a novel!
I don't know why I am so mentally blocked when it comes to finishing a novel. I have been writing since I was in the 4th grade. I've always known it was what I was meant to do. God gave me a talent for words---a birthright gift, as Dr. Amy Alexander would say---(Jess, I put the dashes in for you. I'm trying them out.), but I think I'm just scared.
I know, that doesn't make sense. Who's scared of finishing a novel? It's not like it's gonna bite yah! Well, I think I'm scared of finishing it, sending it off, and it never getting published. Like, what if this isn't my calling? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm actually a horrid writer and everyone has just been being nice to me for 13 years??!?!?!?!?! It'd be my worse nightmare made reality.
Now before anyone chastises me, I know that's a ridiculous fear, but you gotta admit that it has merit. I mean, aren't you scared of something like that? Writing is not just what I do, it's a part of who I am. The characters I've created, I know them like they are my friends. I know what they would do in any given situation. I even know what some of them would eat for breakfast. Stories are my way of saying the things I can't say in real life. I pride myself as being someone who speaks her mind no matter what anyone has to say about it, but some things you can't put into simple sentences. Some things you have to create a whole story to get one point across. I want to make a difference in someones life, like my favorite writers have made a difference in mine. I want someone to find Truth, Hope, Faith, and Love in my words. I want someone to find God in my words. I want to be able to give someone a glimpse into my head and heart through pictures I paint with what I say. I want someone to see...me.
It usually starts with a song. Every time I have started a new project, it has been a song that has taken me there. It also usually happens while I'm driving. Something about the road helps make a scene unfold before my eyes, and the lyrics drive what I see. My story called Morgan Road started with the song "Everything is You" by the Eli Young Band. When I listen to the beginning part of that song, I always pictured a man with haunted eyes driving toward some destination, him thinking about a woman who left him far behind. When I heard the song "November" by Lindsay Ray Spurlock, I saw flashes of different scenes. I saw a handsome guy in a green dress shirt. I saw a different young guy playing guitar. I saw a girl standing in front of a headstone. And when I hear the song "Twisted Transistor" by Korn, I see two young girls dressed in black walking down a hill into a club filled with people.
I was born to be a writer, but I'm scared I'll never make a living at what I love. I really hope I find my fear unfounded.
No comments:
Post a Comment