Dear Bonnie...

Hey Ginger! I know you probably think this is pretty corny, but hear me out. Everyone's making a big deal out of you graduating, and I know you probably don't understand why. I hated high school and was just relieved to get out. I didn't realize till a few years later, when real life set in, how much I missed being a kid and having everyone else make the hard choices for me. You've gone through more than most kids your age, and I'm proud of you for being able to navigate through all the crap and still remain a good person. I know that at 18 I thought I knew everything and no one could teach me anything. In six months, I'm gonna be 23, and when you're my age you'll be amazed at how much you learn when you put a five year distance between now and then. My first bit of advice to you as you begin your journey into adulthood and start your college experience is to remember one thing, and I hope you remember this for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter how grown you think you are, you will never know everything.

Sometimes the metamorphosis our relationship has gone through for the past 18 years still amazes me. I'll be honest, I don't remember ever hating you. The stories are embarrassing and I don't really like to hear them because it makes me uncomfortable. I don't deny it, I probably didn't like you much, but I don't remember. Honestly, I can't really imagine hating you. But, I do remember that around the time you learned to talk, you became a huge pain in my back side. You followed me around and you wanted to do everything that I did! I got a telescope and guess what you just had to get? I have a Backstreet Boy birthday in November, you have one in December. You were my little shadow, and it drove me nuts. That's probably why I was so mean to you. Sure, we'd play together, but that's only because we didn't have anyone else to play with a lot of the time. We sure did have a lot of fun kicking the crap out of each other, didn't we? I've pushed you out of trees and hogged tied and gagged you (that was so funny, I don't care what anyone says) and you've stabbed me with various objects, bit me more times than I can count, and tattled on me every chance you could freaking get.

Then, when you were about 13, you got a lot less annoying. You still looked up to me, but you started to express yourself and become your own person. If anything, I kind of copied you style wise. You got into the cowgirl look and I liked it, so I got my first pair of boots. That's when we started hanging out more. Even though I was 17 and doing stupid stuff like dating guys that were way too old for me, we still had a lot of fun together. That's when we started becoming friends.

When you were 16, that's when we started getting on each others level. I could actually talk to you about things that were going in my life, and you could talk to me. And now, here you are, 18 years old and one of the best friends I've ever had. Without you (and Emily, of course) I don't think I would have survived the last two years of my life. You stayed with me when I was waiting for my Dad to die, you, Emily, Zach, and Taylor. Even though things turned out, errr, bad with Taylor, I will never be able to repay you four for not leaving me alone in those days.

I don't think you'll ever realize the impact you've made on my life by simply being who you are. See, when you were little and did everything I did, I started realizing that if I wasn't careful, if I made the wrong decisions, you might copy those too. So I didn't do things that I didn't want you doing. I didn't want to let you down, and I hope that I haven't. I'm not perfect, and I know it's a running joke that I taught you everything not to do from my epic screw ups, but I'd like to think I also helped teach you right from wrong by the things I got right in life. Bonnie, you kept me on the safe and narrow. You helped make me a better person by just existing. Who knows, maybe you saved my life. So, thanks for being my annoying little shadow.

I've always been able to count on you, even when you were a little kid. Do you remember the day my Granny died? You were there when Mom told me she'd died, and I completely flipped out. I wouldn't let my Mom or Dad hug me, and I just ran out and sat on the front porch. You came and sat next to me, your little 9 year old self, and you scooted close to me and asked me if I was okay. I just started crying and you were the only person I let hug me. Even when you were little and maybe didn't even grasp the full situation, you just knew I needed you and you were there. That hasn't changed much, judging by the fact that you sat in the hospital with me last Friday and tried keeping me calm when I found out Zach was having surgery. Even though you were kind of stuck there because you rode up there with me, I have a feeling you would have stayed with me anyway. Just like you did when Granny died. Just like you did when I'd gone through various break ups. And just like you did when my Daddy died...

You're the closest thing to a little sister that I'm ever going to have. I know I sometimes seem overprotective and a worry wart, but when you hurt, I hurt. When you got your heart broken for the first time and called me crying, I cried after I hung up the phone because I wanted to take your pain away and I couldn't. I want to protect you from the bad things in life and I know that I can't, so I've done my best to set a good example and hope that you listen to the advice that I try to give you. I know you're going to go out into the world and make your own mistakes. You already have made some mistakes, and those are yours, and I hope you'll always own them and take responsibility for your actions like you have so far, but I'd like to protect you from the mistakes you don't have to make. Some things are avoidable, and I would like to guide you around the bumps in the road you don't have to hit.

Besides my parents, you have always been the most important person in my life, and until I have children, there will never be anyone on earth that I love as much as I love you. You have been such a blessing to my life, and I hope you never ever forget how brilliant, hilarious, and truly beautiful you are. You were always adorable, from the moment you were born you were cute, but you've grown up to be simply radiant.

I hope over the past 18 years you've learned a thing or two from me, and I hope you still listen to me in the future. I always have your best interests at heart, and even when you're 50 I'm always going to worry and want whats best for you. I'm always going to want to protect you. I think my parents didn't have kids after me for a reason, because I can't imagine having anyone else for a sister besides you. When I have kids, they are going to adore their awesome Aunt Bonnie and they'll probably want to spend more time with you than me. I know you're going to be the cool Aunt who lets them play with the dogs, takes them riding around on the back roads, takes them out for ice cream, and then sends them back home hopped up on sugar and asking for a puppy (or maybe a cow...). You and I both have so much to look forward to in the future, and I'm glad we get to experience it together. In a year I'm going to graduate from college and get married, and I have my two best friends as my maids of honors, you and Emily. A lot is going to change when I get graduate and get married. My priorities will shift, I wont have as much time to just hang out, and I'm eventually going to start a family. But I hope you know that how much I love you is never ever going to change.

Enjoy college and give yourself room to screw up and change your mind. Work hard, but play just as much, but in the right way. Remember that everything is a growing experience and an opportunity to learn who you are. Remember, the choices you make in life do NOT define you, but how you live the life you choose does. Don't listen to people when they say "live life with no regrets" because if you do wrong, you should regret it, and you should be sorry. Even when your mom is getting on your nerves, never shut her out of your life. No one on this earth will ever love you more than your parents, and you wont realize just how much you love them until you lose one. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Heartbreak is an awful thing, but looking back on "the one that got away" because you were scared is worse. But at the same time, don't give your love away like it's extra change in your pocket. Choose wisely, because not everyone is worth the risk. Never let pride stand in the way of saying that you're sorry. Never let anyone else tell you who you are and who you're meant to be. Keep your priorities in check; God, family, and then everything else.

And if you were to ignore everything else I just said, there is one piece of advice I hope that you follow. "Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh," Luke 6:21. If I die, I want that on my headstone because I think that, besides the teachings of Jesus, that this is the most important verse in the Bible. Laughter is the greatest legacy your Uncle Roland left behind. My one prayer for you in this life is that you never lose your ability to create and find laughter wherever you go. More than anything else on this earth, I want you to find happiness, through the Lord, inside yourself. I want you to know that no matter how bad life may seem today, you will laugh.

Today I'm probably going to cry a lot. I know you'll understand why.You're growing up and we're going to each make our own way in the world. But I hope you realize that distance, time, nor circumstance will ever keep me away if you need me. I don't care where I am, whether I'm next door or a million miles away, I will never be too far. I made you a promise the day I graduated high school that I intend to keep for the rest of my life and beyond. I will NEVER leave you.

Alright, enough of the incredible corny and teary eyed typing. I didn't intend this to become a tear fest, but of course I'm crying and Zach's looking at me like I'm stupid.

I lobe you Ginger. And remember, you will never be too old to be my Bon-Bon :)
I love you more than you know kiddo, Ali

"Never Grow Up"-Taylor Swift

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up