In This Town of Halloween

Since I have a few minutes before I have to leave for work, I've decided to bless all you readers (the whole one of you, love you Grady!) with my incredibly hilarious story about how I eneded my Halloween night by filling out a witness statement. Grady, you were there, so you know the story, but maybe (just maybe) someone else will actually read this and find it as entertaining as I did the night that it happened. And yes, I realize I remember an incredible amount of detail from this event, but I was paying very close attention because, frankly, I didn't want to go to jail. Alright, here goes!

So after the candy was gone and Grady and I arrived back at my house after going on a little jaunt, we watched Hocus Pocus (best. movie. ever!) with Jeremy and Justin. Justin left soon after the movie was over and we three that were left quickly became bored and unhappy at the fact that it was 10 O'clock on Halloween night and we were inside watching the Science Fiction channel. So we did what any other young people in their twenties would do; we went walking.

As soon as we stepped off my property, we notice this insanely large group of teenagers in the middle of the road. When they saw us, they scattered. This was the first sign that they were up to a little Halloween mischief. We three quickly realized we'd probably made a mistake in going walking on Halloween night seeing as all the delinquents were probably out egging houses and we kind of looked like likely suspects. I mean, Jeremy and I were wearing large hooded sweatshirts and Grady was in my Panda hat. We looked like delinquents.

We were headed toward Jeremy's house when I realized we were walking with a small group of kids. Grady and Jeremy both had the same reaction to the situation we found ourselves in; head down, walk faster, get out of the situation. Me being who I am had a different reaction; get a good look at the kids, talk as much as possible, and remember details.

This being said, I need to make a side note. I generally don't like narks. My parents always told me that there was nothing worse than  rat. I dunno if they were trying to prepare me for a possible future in organized crime or what, but yeah, in my home you did not rat out your fellow man. I totally understood and agreed with this point of view and would not have ratted out these kids under any circumstances, except one of these kids made a fatal mistake. Wanna know what it was? Oh I'll tell ya.

So the kid we were walking next to was about Jeremy's height, Hispanic, and had on glasses and a ball cap. He told me that he was eighteen and from the next town over. He inquired about my age and I told him I was just a few weeks shy of 24 years old. This is when the fatal mistake was made. This little moron had the nerve to look at me and say, "You're old as f***!"

O_o

Yep. He went there. Cuss word and all. What did I do, you ask? Well my first instinct was the punch the kid in the baby maker. Or, you know, throw him into someones back yard that housed a pit bull or something. But I kept my cool. I had a feeling my chance for revenge would come. And it did, in the form of a short kid in an orange hoodie and dark Justin Bieber hair.

"I'm gonna egg this house!" yelled Bieber.

"Don't you EFFING dare!" I yelled back, stopping in the middle of the road and pointing at the kid. "We three are over the age of eighteen and will get into more trouble than you are worth! Throw that egg and you WILL rue the day!"  I volleyed a few more threats his way and that's when Jeremy, Grady, and I decided to walk a little faster. The idiot was going to throw an egg at a house that's lights were on!!!!!! Why!!!!!! They're awake, eff tard!

When we got to the stop sign, that's when we heard it. CRACK! "Lets power walk!" I said, and we were gone. As Grady and I stood in Jeremy's yard waiting for him to get done inside, I watched these kids walk toward the town park. I've got pretty great eyesight (better than perfect woot!) so I could see them get into a dark car and turn it on. Jeremy came outside and we headed in the opposite direction.

"When this car drives by, lets get the plates. It's those dumbass kids. I have a feeling we're going to need this information." I thought this because while Jeremy was inside, we'd seen a cop driving around spotlighting. Someone had called the cops on these kids. Great. You bet your bottom dollar that when that car drove by, we got the first three digits of the plate.

At that point, we probably should had just given up and gone home. I mean, we KNEW the cops were gonna hassle us. But I think at that point we were so bored, we kind of welcomed it. At least I did. I was out for blood. Well, revenge at least. That a-hole called me old.

No sooner did we step onto my street did we see the mysterious car drive past us again. Behind them was a police cruiser. Instead of following the car, however, the cop put on his lights and pulled over next to us. When he opened the door to shine a large flashlight in our eyes, I pointed down the street and yelled, "They went that way!" Jeremy and Grady told me to shut up, that I sounded guilty, but I didn't want them to get away! Argh, the frustration!

"What are you guys doing?" asked Officer Buzz Cut

"Walking. Cause we're bored," I replied.

"How old are you three?"

"23, 23, 21." I noticed by this time that I was the only one talking.

"Oh!" The Officer suddenly became much nicer. "Have ya'll seen any kids running around?"

"YES!" And I quickly explained our story. I told him the break lights in the distance were the snot nosed kids who were doing the throwing of the egg, gave him the plate number, and watched him hop in his car and take off into the night.

We continued walking and not long after that, we saw lights in the distance. The cop had cauht the little buggers! We walked on in glee, but when we made it to the high school, we were once again stopped by Officer Buzz Cut. He asked us a series of questions about what we saw in which we all quickly figured out that I'd gathered more detail than my comrads. He then asked us to fill out a witness statement. We all reluctantly agreed. I wasn't too thrilled about it being on record that I was narking, but my lust for revenge meant more to me than my pride as a past fellow delinquent.

And so our night ended with us sitting in the front yard waiting for the Officer to come back around and pick up our witness statements. We talked about the evening, pondered on the fate of the eggers, and I was satisfied by the score I'd settled.

I learned three things this recent All Hallows Eve: 1. Hocus Pocus is much funnier as an adult and never gets old. 2. You know you're too old for Halloween romping when you start getting kids in trouble for making mischief. and 3. I really don't like to be called old.

Hope this made you giggle a little. Cheerio!

Alison